Monday, June 16, 2008

See that big smile on his mum's face?? Shereen noticed it and comment on it the conversation goes like this -

Shereen : Eh Ibu, Lebar nmpk senyum?? Tk pernah2 senyum lebar??

His mom: Alah aper salahnyer...

Shereen: Oh pat Abg senyum lebar2... Hmph.

His mom just roll her eyes and i just stand there giggling..

Look at my hideous fringe???

Adek,Bb and mom.

Helping him put on his cap.

Momma's BOY!!

So Black...

Stop it lar.... i hate that stupid pose of his.

Adek and Kak ct.

Bb's mom was supposed to be in the pic.

Kene cut off muker ku.

I dunno what i was thingking when i cut my fringe off.
Last picture.

Actually there was supposed to be pictures of the parade but i don't know what happen to it, so i just have to settled with these then. Bb kept saying "your hair ehk, last warning tau.." ish ader ker patut?? Seriously i think i wanted some bangs and it turned out really suckie. haha

Too bad we didn't take any pictures on our movie night, it would have been nice. Really i think my life has taken a 180 degree turn over, i seem to not enjoy a lot of things. Example taking pictures, taking care of myself and my relationship with my mother has gone downhil. After that fight we had and two months of not conversing with each other really changed my perspective. I know i shouldn't feel this way but i know now that my wish to have a normal family and to have that kind of bond with my parents will never happen. Reality has slapped me across my face because i realise that my parents are not those parents that can sit down and talk rationally with their children. I promised myself that no matter what happens my children will not feel the way i feel right now, i will not neglect them no matter how busy or tired i am. Insyallah i will learn from my parents mistakes, this i vow to myself.

There's a lot more to my fight with mother but i rather not eloborate, i'm just dissappointed and trust me to be dissappointed with your own parents is not a good feeling i long have understood that Bb's parents and mine are just too different. I envy them and their closeness, i envy that Bb's younger sisters can joke around with their father, i envy that they can hug and hold their father. I envy that their mother is sooo understanding you can talk boy talk with her and it seems that the only person that understand my pain is bestie, because she has seen how Bb's family interact with each other and we both long to be apart of something wonderful. I mean i understand they also have their fights but they still will get along with each other no matter what.

Oh well, "ada pergi, ada balik"

Off to another topic i long to leave Singapore and live in Australia, i'm seriously wanting to leave this god foresaken country. I'm sorry if this is offensive but its my blog i don't care if you don't like what i'm saying, I told mother that if the time is right lets just migrate. My aunt has settled in Brisbane and mother will visit them this july, i long to go back there again. There's nothing here to look forward too except? work,work,work... We are slaves in our own country why not live in someone else's when their pay is soo much better than here. right?

I told bestie that and she was upset, i know beb and i'm sorry but seriously i made up my mind. It will hurt but time will heal and what about yan u people wonder? He had told me he won't leave singapore for nothing it is here he belong and plus he didn't just served the country fer 2 whole years and then migrate to another country. So i said? aiite, its coo.. its coo.. I'll just have to leave him behind and i'm not gonna look back. Yes i love him but if my family is going to migrate i aint living here all by myself because of a guy, thats just plain stupid. I ain't even sure if his the one, plus u know what they say if u leave that person and he comes back he was always meant to be with you.

"Carpe diem" is my new motto, its in latin but i won't tell what it means. hah.. I'm soo mean i know, i think i've matured some. I learn to respect my sister's moore and honestly i loove♥ them soo much even if i won't say it outloud i really do love them. I know they will have my back no matter what. I'm a pain in the ass thats no doubt, i think that will alwaes be in my persona but aside from that i'm also inquisitive and witty and i love that about me. I think in order to love someone else you have to learn to love yourself fully even your flaws, everybody has flaws and i think its beautiful if you just accept it and try to improve. Nothing is better than understanding yourself if you embrace it, you will find that you can accept someone else's and be more receptive towards other people's bad and good habits.

Sheesh thats deep stuff, i have to many thoughts.

This is like a therapy fer me, the past six months had been really hard for me and to tell you the truth no one really knows how i feel. I never really just opened up to anyone, its hard. I try but i'm not good at explaining myself, i cower away from fights that gets to much i guess because i don't really like confrontations. I can sit down and talk but once it turn into an argument and it becomes heated i can't stand it and i just walk away. That's a bad habit i know but as i said i have flaws and i'm trying to embrace it and improve.

Hopefully i will because i ain't getting younger, i'm not trying to be perfect i just want to be better.

Well i guess this is all for now because i'm running short on words.

so till my next update,

peaCe.

.cT.riaH.

ps:there may be a lot of typo errors but i'm to fucking lazy to re-check so just bare with me.

♥.Now you can wait your whole life tryna change, What the fear from what it's been, You may have put your whole life into a man, Loving what you thought that could've been. ♥